questions left unanswered

So as i sit here smoking my cigarette, i keep wondering am i completely crazy? Did i completely imagin that there was ever anything beetween me and him? i constantly type him a text then just erase it without sending it because nothing phases him, and i just want to kno the words to say to make him show some type of emotion...anything anger, sadness, true happiness just something. i think to myself is he crazy, or am I? Do I really have real feelings for him, or am i just in love with being unloved? I constantly ponder the thought of "is something wrong with me, or do i choose the wrong guys?" And do i just attract the wrong guys or do i pick them on purpose? I am just fed up of having so many questions, and noone has the respect to give me not one answer. I dont know how I feel anymore i cant tell if im happy or sad but i feel something, far from numbness. I feel so much raw emotion and deep thought pouring out of me, through a paintbrush, through these words i am typing right now, but it just keeps coming out with no end in sight, maybe i have just buried these feelings of insecurity for so long I have alot of catching up to do...well this is a start atleast from this moment on when noones around to listen or care i can talk to this page...im tired and i should take my meds then maybe i wont feel so dark and over analytical...yup thats my conclusion for now :)